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Review

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

The experiment that could have brought New Line Studios to its knees rolls to a glorious finale with the third installment of "Lord of the Rings", now un-spooling in theatres across the country. By all reports, executive producer Bob Shay has nothing to worry about. "Return of the King" has gotten rave reviews and fans will be lined up to see it for months. There should be no problem getting a seat either, since at some theatres the three hour-plus epic is playing on three screens.

Will the Hobbit Frodo return the ring to save Middle Earth? Can the evil army of Sauron be defeated, even with the help of their advanced form of Orc, the Uruk-Hai? Will Gondor's chief place of residence (the Walled White City), see peace and tranquility again? These are just some of the questions millions are dying to find out, unless they’ve already read the Tolkien books on which the films are based. But really, nothing beats a big screen battle with thousands of computer-generated soldiers. Speaking of computer generated, what will happen to that creepy Gollum who keeps stalking Frodo and Sam?

Even though I’m not really a fan of "Lord of the Rings", I still believe writer-director Peter Jackson deserves an Oscar for actually pulling this thing off. The trilogy will be enjoyed by audiences for years to come. Of course, now that "Return of the King" is out "Something's Gotta Give" will only enjoy one week at the number one spot. As I wrote previously, the Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton romantic comedy is wonderful.

Short Takes

• Here's hoping what gossip columnist Victoria Gotti recently wrote isn't true. Gotti wrote that the great Robert DeNiro is having trouble dealing with prostate cancer and doesn't think he can beat it, even though his doctors predict a full recovery. She goes on to write that DiNero's daughter Drena, "Fears the disease is getting the better of him." Let's hope it’s not true and that the Oscar winner will be with us for many years to come. Hey! I'm still waiting for "Meet the Parents II."

• Gotta Dance! for those of us with two left feet it might get a little easier. A Korean guy has applied for a patent for shoes he invented that send out electronic signals to the part of the body that is supposed to move. Just hope the signals don't get crossed and you ending doing the Elaine dance from "Seinfeld."

• Flipping channels the other day I stumbled across the 1972's film "Butterflies are Free." In it, Goldie Hawn’s kooky character tells her blind neighbor, Edward Albert, who she wants to play at her funeral: Neal Diamond, The Stones and Simon and Garfunkle. It’s pretty wild that the film is almost thirty-five years old and those guys are still making great music.

Gotta dance! I mean, gotta run. Wishing a very happy holiday to you and yours!

Catch me on moviecitynews.com if you get a chance.

Review

Something’s Gotta Give
PG-13
Starring Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Amanda Peet and Keanu Reeves
Warner Brothers

This May-September romance makes you realize why Jack Nicholson is the best. As Harry Sanborn, a wealthy entrepreneur who dates only young girls, Nicholson charms his way through this almost two-hour tale. Of course he finds the true meaning of life after suffering a heart attack at his girlfriend’s mother’s house. Amanda Peet (who is maybe 29), plays the girlfriend. The fifty-something mother, played by Diane Keaton, is a successful playwright who comes across old Jack and her daughter at her Southampton beach house. Okay you see where this story is going…Jack and Diane fall in love. Jack won't accept it though because as he puts it, he has never been a boyfriend. It is a funny, sweet story and every word Nicholson utters is a gem. Any other actor would say the same things and fall flat, but there is only one Jack.

Something’s Gotta Give is rated PG-13, and for some strange reason my eleven year old daughter wanted to see it. So I took her, despite the rating. Her reaction? "Who wants to see a movie about two old people falling in love?"
An old person like me, I guess.

Page Six in Wednesday’s New York Post reports that while our man Jack was filming this picture in Southampton, the studio had to put him up in a house with ocean views at a cost of $135,000 for three weeks. Well, as they say in "The Producers", "If you got it baby, flaunt it, flaunt it."

Tail Ends

• If you have ever wondered what it’s like to be a celebrity who suddenly is no longer in the spotlight (something I'm sure most of us think about a lot), Rosie O’Donnell is about to tell us. Her new book Celebrity Detox lets us know how horrible it is to go from a limo to a cab.

• A few years ago a good friend of mine was in the middle of his 40th birthday party when he got a knock on the door. Standing there was a group of guys with garment bags over their shoulders. One of them said, "Hi, we're the Four Tops, where can we change?" Turns out my friends best buddies hired the famous Motown group to perform at the party. Now if you have the money you can do the same. People magazine reports that for a mere million, Bette Midler will serenade you, just as she for did Johnny Carson on his last show. Or for two hundred grand Chris Rock can call you a F-----' A-- Hole, right to your face.

• A very Happy Birthday to Buck Henry. The writer and sometimes actor is 75. Back in the mid 70's Playboy Magazine sent Buck to Atlanta to do a story on this up and coming television station owned by this guy Ted Turner. That is where I worked at the time. We wined and dined Buck and he even did a bit with me on my show. We never heard another thing about it. Four years ago I ran into him at an event in New York. He remembered me and we talked about his visit to Atlanta. He told me when he got back to New York and told the folks at Playboy, '"That place is goin' nowhere." Of course "That place" is now the Turner Broadcasting System.

• Speaking of which, my favorite channel is Turner Classic Movies. When they pull out an old black and white short feature from the thirties explaining how sound movies work, the shear camp of it makes it fun viewing. Now, when they run a segment produced to promote the film "You've Got Mail" that was done, maybe three years ago, it looks stupid. Especially when the filmmakers try to explain this new thing called e-mail.

• Singer Anne Murray cancelled some engagements this week due to a severe chest cold. What do you expect from somebody that has a "Snowbird."
Does anybody get that but me?

• The other day NPR ran an audio clip of Hillary Clinton reading excerpts of “The Nutcracker” to a group of children. Does that mean she was reading from her autobiography?

• Hey, got to go. I must beat a hasty path to the video store, Gigli is on the shelves. The worst film of 2003 starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez can now be in your film library. Don't waste your money. "Gigli" is horrible and not even in a "it's so bad it's fun to watch" sort of way.

All MJ, All the Time

All the news channels maintain their primary goal is to report the news. FOX NEWS claims to be “Fair and Balanced”, CNN aspires to be “America’s Most Trusted News Source” and MSNBC, well, does anyone really watch MSNBC?

But man, when a juicy tabloid story rears its ugly head, it’s good-bye news. I'm talking about Michael Jackson of course. His recent arrest took on the guise of another O.J., with hours of airtime spent leading up to the arrest, all for that one brief photo op of Wacko in handcuffs. Was he wearing a glove? I didn’t notice.

President George Bush must have sent Jackson a thank you note. On the very day that hundreds of thousands were protesting the Bush visit in London, all the news network cameras were focused on Jackson. If you think that was something, wait until mid December when the self-appointed King of Pop returns to court. And should the case go to trial in the Spring, fuggedaboutit.

As if Jackson doesn’t have enough problems, by all reports he’s broke. I mean how many kids can you payoff? There was even a recent report that creditors tried to repossess his carnival rides at Neverland. Now what young boy would want to visit Michael if he doesn't have a Ferris Wheel?

Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation

Photo taken in 1986.

My wife Lisa and I had a wonderful time last Monday (11-24) when we attended the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation dinner in New York. The Hearst Corporation always takes a table and we were guests of our friends Patty Hearst and her husband Bernie Shaw, two of the nicest and fun people you would want to meet. Christopher Reeve remains optimistic that a cure will soon be found for spinal injuries, and has volunteered himself for experimental treatment. We wish him luck in this great work. By the way, the benefit raised around two million dollars that evening for this important cause.

One of the highlights of the night was seeing my old acquaintance Joan Collins. As the star of "Dynasty" and I were walking through the ballroom, a young woman was so excited to see Joan that she jumped out of her seat so fast her breasts popped out of her strapless gown. Joan turned to me and said, "Did you see that?" I replied "Yes I did Joan, and I'm hanging out with you more often."

Meanwhile, Patti Hearst has just finished working on a new John Waters film. She’s been in almost every picture he has made. Probably her most famous roll was as a juror who was a victim of "Serial Mom”. Kathleen Turner, as the title character, can't stand anything that isn’t proper so she kills Patty’s character for wearing white pumps after Labor Day. More about the new film closer to the release.

Short Takes

• Take the kids to see Disney's Haunted Mansion this weekend. Rated PG it has a lot of laughs from Eddie Murphy, but isn’t scary enough to frighten youngsters. The actress who plays his wife, Sara, is absolutely one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Marsha Thomason is her name and she is just plain sexy, with a capitol x. Excuse me do I sound like Larry King?

• In Scary Movie 3 there is a scene where one of the characters gets into a fight with Michael Jackson. A lot of people, including some that should know better, thought it really was Jackson. Come on guys, it was an actor. Do you really think Wacko would do anything that would require him to leave his nose behind like they did in the film?

• A belated happy birthday to my old buddy Gary Shandling, now 54. Gary is truly one of the sharpest and funniest people I have ever met. He routinely saved the day whenever he was a guest on the CNN talk show I did in the eighties. Gary had a great line at this years Emmy awards when he said, "I'm not rich enough to own my own plane but I am rich enough to pay people to get off of the plane I'm on."

• Finally, yours truly has been syndicated. That’s right, from time to time, I’ll also be posting dispatches for Movie City News.com. I’ve been a fan of this site for a while and am now pleased to be a contributor. Check it out. It’s THE website for movie buffs.